The End Is The Beginning

There is no anger, Just the question Of why... why?. There are no doubts, Just the thoughts Of why you fought Yourself for so long. It wasn’t enough for you You had to take us down too, We had to learn the hard way That you had to go that way. And it hurts too, That I have to leave, I love you, but I need To get away from here. You don’t need someone to love you, You don’t need someone at all, You just need yourself, Your so-called friends, And a phone to call them all. But I love you, And it hurts That I love you, But can’t be with you anymore.

I've been trying to talk with someone about this for weeks now.. but somehow it never came out of my mouth, even when I thought about it, over and over again... The more I see you around, the more I miss everything about you. How much I keep trying to think, how much this is gonna last?. It has been months by now, time has already passed by, and yet the whole thing still seems quite fresh in my mind. Maybe it's because I was so deeply attached to you, but that seems a little unfair. In every little thing I do, you're the first person that comes to my mind. It's hard breaking up with someone, I know, and and ain't any easier with so many people telling me that I'm way better without you. You're not anywhere but, why is that I can hear your voice ?. Why is it I can hear that laugh of yours ?. Why is it I can see your face ?. Why?... When you were psychically here with me, I seldom acknowledged the fact that I might lose you someday, but now... I wanna see yo...

I wonder if she remembers me Or if I’m just a memory, I wonder if she thinks of us Or if she finds it useless, I wonder how things would be If she had never broke the spell, I wonder how she is And if I’m still a love of her. I think about her everyday And wonder if she’s okay, I think about how happy we were And the memories make the tears stir, I think about the plans we made While we were laying in the shade. I think about all we said And the lives we lead, To not know Where to go, To not know where to find A place where she may hide, To not be able to see her face Puts my heart so out of place, To not know when she’s near Is my greatest fear. There’s so much in my head That I wish I’d said, There’s so many missed sayings For my unanswered wishes, There’s only so many ways For me to make it through the days. There’s so little light In my heart tonight. What would I say If given a day, What would happen If I could have her, What joy it would bring To hear her sing, What would I feel ...

Talk to me, Not because you care at all for me, But because of what you want from me, To help you out of your misery. Talk to me, For I am your private Angel in disguise, Your one-way ticket back to serenity, Don’t hesitate to feed me with your lies. Ignore the fact that there's sadness in my eyes, Believe it is real this faint smile that I fake, I’ll shutdown for you the pain that my heart cries, So there’s no trouble you to take. Jot down your dreams on a piece of paper, My magic wand will get what you desire, It doesn’t matter if my dreams are shattered, To me, it is you all that matters. Don’t you worry about me, Place yourself before me, Whenever you want something from me, All you have to do is talk to me.

Th e voices in my head are loudest when I am alone. Alone in my thoughts, with no other human around me. Just by myself in my quiet space. My geographical location. The place in space that can be instrumentally measured. This is when I can appreciate myself. See who I really am as a creature of the universe. My thoughts have no limits that can be measured. They seem to not be absolute. They are a response to stimulus of all senses. As a visual artist, I tend to think That it is my visual sense that is dominating this existence. I see spaces that are at once and the same, Solitary and occupied, Vivid in color and monochromatic, Light and dark, Sad and not, Controlled and random. These are spaces of the mind and of the gut, Evoking in me sensations and emotions. Sadness resurfaces. A lamentation for what is gone. There are no longer. Vanished.

Why do I miss you?... It's just part of this feeling Deep down in the back of my head Saying, whispering quitely With that ol' knowing-all voice that I hate Everything seemed too good to be true You were too good to be true Because, you were. I honestly thought you would always be mine And every time I felt the need to see your eyes There was the same need in yours So it seemed everything was just fine. What is it that I miss from you?... I miss every warm, tender hug And every passionate, needful kiss. Why do I miss you?... I can't forget how it felt to be with you To be needed, to be held dear I can't forget all the times we had The good times and the bad When I trusted you, with all my heart. Wish I could trust in you, right now... And just like that ol' voice told me all the time Now that you've torn it everything apart All the nights up late thinking about you Is now time I spend alone, undreaming. I didn't know the nights were so long... Wishing you we...

It was a toxic relationship in many ways and by now, others would have move on... it's just me. My true love was ended not so long ago, where the relationship had a lot of happenings during the last few months, mostly because someone else was also involved... we ended up not even being friends at all. I don't know if it is because I had never forget about her or whatsoever, but I have no more confidence in any relationships or chances stumped upon me. Every time, when I decide I should give myself a new chance into a relationship, I end up remembering that wound, only to realize that it has never been healed ... The pain in the heart, is just like a dagger stabbed into it, ripping it apart, yet no matter how you scream or shout for help, it is of no use because you know very well that the other party that stabbed you doesn't really cares and feels this pain of yours. I am someone who can endure pain from cuts or injury, even sickness when it struck on me, but I think this i...